January is the Cruelest Month

English Literature + History = What Career Exactly?!

January is the Cruelest Month

No offense T.S. Elliot, but January, not April is the Cruelest Month. It's cruel in spite of the freezing temperatures, short days, and New Year's Resolutions. It's cruel because for most young adults, January is Discernment month. 

Discernment comes from the Latin roots "dis" meaning apart, and "cernere" meaning "to sift." Taken together, discernment means to "sift apart." From a Christian perspective discernment means to make an important life decision after much prayer and counsel. 

Young adults (youth aged 18ish-24ish) make many important life decisions every year. Every year, they must renegotiate which career, relationships, and living situations to pursue. A lot of these decisions come from trial and error, especially during a person's late teen years. As a person matures, making the "right decisions" becomes more and more important, as these decisions start to shape who the individual will be long term.

I personally find the process of discernment very stressful. I keep having this recurring dream that I am walking up to a buffet filled with all of my favorite food, but the buffet only carries dessert plates. I wake up still trying to figure out if I should have gone for the sweet potatoes, or the mashed ones. Discernment would be easy if we were deciding between two equal options, one clearly "good" and one clearly "bad." But the real world rarely works in neat dualism. Oftentimes you are trying to choose the best good from two great options. 

Since this is my seventh time on the Discernment merry-go-round, I thought I'd offer some tips on how to go about the discernment process in a slightly less stressful manner. Hope it helps!

Discernment Tips, Tricks, and Encouragements

1. Pray. Pray often. Ask other people to pray for you. How will you know what the Lord wants you to do next year if you don't ask him? 

 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  

Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11 

2. Seek counsel. I recommend picking three same-sexed mentors who are at least five years older than you. Women or men who you respect, and who you know will speak truth into your life. Discuss your questions, fears, and anxieties with them. Listen to their feedback. Let all of the other advice you receive (and trust me you will receive A LOT) go in one ear, and out the other. 

3. Vent responsibly. There's no reason to freak people out unnecessarily over decisions you haven't completely made.  In fact, it's selfish of you to do so. For example if you are discerning whether to transfer to a different university, there's no need to share this with your friends at your current university until you have made a decision. Talk to an adviser  your parents, or a friend not involved in the situation. Discern up, never sideways. 

4. Set (realistic) deadlines. You do not want the discernment process to drag out forever. I'd say 2-3 months is plenty of time to discern major life decisions. Be patient with yourself, but also refuse to wallow in a black hole of possibilities. 

5.  When people ask you what you're doing next year, it is perfectly alright to say "I am discerning my plans for next year. I will tell you when I've made some decisions, but until then I'd appreciate you not asking me about my future plans." Now, obviously this line will not work with parents, supervisors, and best friends. But I've found it incredibly useful for that relative you only see once a year, or that co-worker who you wouldn't talk to unless you worked together. 

I'd like to leave you with a pearl of wisdom I received last year as I was discerning if I should move back to Pittsburgh and work for UCO. I hope it encourages you as you embark on your discernment process!

"When you're discerning between two equally good options, sometimes you need to just make a decision. After you've made your decision, act like you've made it. Feelings follow actions."