Dealing with Disappointment: Young Adulthood for the Millennial Generation

A few weeks ago, the leadership team for the Young Adult and Graduate Student Ministry at Shadyside Presbyterian Church met to discuss what talks we wanted to give in the Fall 2013 semester. Our leadership team is a pretty typical representation of the Millennial Generation, even though most millenials hate being called typical. Millenials, or Generation Y, is the sociological term for men and women born between approximately 1982 and the early 2000s.

What are millenials? Let me describe our leadership team. We're a group of men and women ranging in age from 23-35ish. We all have undergraduate degrees in something that didn't lead to full-time employment. We're making it work with a combination of part-time jobs, graduate school courses, parents if we're lucky, and massive debt if we're not. Most of us are single. If we're married we're too broke to even think about having kids. Most of us have moved in the last year. Everyone's moved in the last three years.

Despite our issues, we're an incredibly educated and articulate bunch. Ours is the generation that spent middle school teaching ourselves how to use the internet while our parents rallied around the TV waiting for another bomb to drop. Speaking of our parents, we think they're pretty rad. We knew from infancy that we mattered, because our parents spent our entire childhoods catering to our every need. When our softball team came in sixth place in a tournament, they displayed our "thank you for participating" ribbons on the mantle with pride. 

Every moment of our childhood and adolescence was supposed to lead us to the new American Dream: a college education.We learned to internalize the lie that character no longer matters, so long as you earn a degree from a "good" school. Parents, teachers, and coaches looked the other way as AP students, and later undergraduates, exhausted from three extra-curricular activities, a part-time job, and a happening social life, slept through class, so long as they maintained their 4.5 QPA.

These cultural forces lead us back to our YA/Grad leadership team discussion of the other night. What do we believe young adults need the church to remind them of? This lead to a fascinating discussion of how to deal with the disappointment of being a 20-something in the church today.

Why are the 20s becoming such a time of disappointment in the lives of young adults? For many of us, we're experiencing the "real world" for the first time. Our employers don't care that we were president of our university's campus ministry; as the newest hire, we're going to be the ones photocopying fliers, and doing community outreach on Saturdays. We're working harder in our early 20s than we ever did in college, and we no longer have grades to quarterly reinforce the grunt work. 

We're also disappointed relationally. It's harder to make friends when you're not living withing walking distance of thousands of people like you. It's also difficult to invest in romantic relationships when you don't know where you, or your partner, will be living next year. Maintaining good relationships is an important part of identity formation, and the lack thereof is a gaping hole in the lives of most young adults. 

So how do we, as a church, support people in this new and strange state of life? Here are the three things we came up with:

1. Admit that young adulthood is a challenging state of life.
2. Work to build community as a group, and integrate that group into the life of the church.
3. Remind young adults that Jesus, and the church, loves them, even if they've screwed up.

If you're a millenial reading this, I'd be curious to hear if any of this resonates with you. What issues of our generation do you find the most compelling, or frustrating? What would you like the church to remind you of? 

-R

Plans for Next Year

As the dark chocolate coffee cupcakes bake for tomorrow's UCO Prayer Meeting, I thought I'd write the blog post I've been putting off for the last month. Next year, I will not be working for UCO. Instead, I will begin my studies at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary in their master's of divinity program. Read on if you'd like a sense of what it's like to discern the call to seminary.

First of all, I think God has an incredible sense of humor. Never in a million years did I think the Lord would call this broken, sinful person to professional ministry. The discernment process really began last September. I had recently moved to Shadyside, and started attended Shadyside Presbyterian Church. Dr. Barnes, our senior pastor at the time, was preaching a series of sermons on the subject "Who am I?" It was a very timely sermon series because I was pondering the exact question myself. I remember sitting there listening to his sermon going I am a Christian. I want to dedicate the rest of my life to proclaiming the good news, but I don't know how to merge my Christian identity and my professional identities? I remember reading the back of the bulletin and seeing that Dr. Barnes also taught at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary. Huh. I thought. Maybe this is worth looking into?

I put off this inkling of seminary as long as I could. October, November, and December flew by in a haze of UCO Retreats, staff training days in Michigan, and AmeriCorps training and orientation at the Carnegie Library of Homestead. But by Christmas Break I could put off the inkling no longer. I was running on empty, pouring out more of myself than I had to give to my "big" kids and my "little" kids. Despite my weariness, I became convicted that the Lord created me for ministry but that I lacked the education to serve him to the best of my abilities. Begrudgingly, I scheduled a visit to the seminary.

My seminary visit in early January was fairly typical. Sorry to disappoint, but the heaven's didn't open up with a myriad of angels beckoning me to seminary. I sat in on a class, met some current students, and learned that I needed to file my taxes immediately to receive the most financial aide possible. I left the campus not even sure if I would apply. But I decided I might as well, since they seminary was willing to wave my application fee.

Applying to graduate school while working full time is not for the faint at heart. It's almost like a part-time job in and of itself. But submitting the paperwork is the easy part of the seminary discernment process. My acceptance letter came in the mail in mid-February. Then the fun part of the seminary discernment process begins: do I go or not?

I agonized over this decision for months. I prayed for direction. I consulted with Christian men and women whom I admire, and who know me well. At a certain point it became clear that the Lord was inviting me to seminary, but the decision was mine to make. When I thought about it practically, it makes more sense for me to go know when I'm young, poor, and single than it does later in life. I love school, and can't wait to be back in a classroom. I accepted PTS's offer of enrollment, and am very excited to begin classes in the fall.

So there you have it. I hope my testimony inspires you if you're in the process of making a big life decision. I'm grateful to those of you who've been praying for me during this challenging time. I want to especially thank my church, Shadyside Presbyterian Church, and my housemates for anchoring and encouraging me during this process.

If you have any questions, want to know more, or want to send me an encouraging word, shoot me an email at rebecca.l.depoe@gmail.com.

God Bless You!

Life Lessons from the Library Lady

The last two months have been a wonderfully busy time in the life of yours truly. For this blog post, I'd like to focus on updating yinz on my service with Keys Service Corps.

I am a little more than halfway done with my term of service at the Carnegie Library of Homestead (CLoH). I'd say my focus at CLoH over the last two months has shifted from assimilation to programming and disciplining. In January we overhauled our youth services programming. We now run programs for youth every evening. I run the Teen Reading Circle on Monday evenings, Kid's Corner every other Thursday evening, and Family Story time on Saturday afternoons. Since I serve in a library, and my academic background is in the humanities, I wanted all of my programs to promote literacy. Lately, the kids have taken to calling me "Library Lady" because I'm always reading to them, or encouraging them to read.

Kid's Corner: St. Paddy's Day Scavenger Hunt 2013

The library also does a far bit of community outreach programs. The first weekend in March, the CLoH hosted the 40th Annual Chess Tournament. We had about thirty K-8th graders from all around the city participate. Due to circumstances outside of my control, I ended up in charge of the event. I'd never played chess before, let alone learned how to keep score. Needless to say, I learned a lot from this experience. I learned that I am capable of supervising, delegating, and multi-tasking. I also learned that I will not crack under pressure, something I struggled with before the tournament. 

Kindergarten Chess Players

I'd say that my biggest challenge at the library is enforcing the library's discipline policy. I've learned that the teens and children I serve and I are not on the same page as far as what is and is not acceptable library behavior. When I correct teens for shouting, and little kids for running, they look at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. Also, many of the youth I serve see fighting as an acceptable way to resolve any conflict. The library does not tolerate any kind of fighting, and it's my job to enforce this policy. Even though the kids don't see it as a big deal, I want to teach the kids better ways to resolve conflict. 

Inevitably, situations arise where the library staff and I cannot handle a particular situation, and we must get the local police involved. I do not enjoy calling the police because the kids lose respect for me, but I have to value the safety of the library over being liked by the kids. Theft, vandalism,  and certain fighting situations threaten everyone's safety. And my job is to provide a safe, educational environment for youth after school.

To wrap up this post, I'll share a little bit with you about AmeriCorps Week. AmeriCorps Week was March 10-March 16. As an AmeriCorps member (Keys Service Corps is a branch of AmeriCorps), I was participated in a service project during the week. My group's service project was to clean the Carnegie Library of Braddock in preparation for its Historical Landmark inauguration.

The Carnegie Library of Braddock was built in 1889. It was the first library Andrew Carnegie built in the world. During it's glory, the library hosted a library, a gym, a music hall, a bowling alley, a pool, and a public bathhouse.  Unfortunately, due to de-industrialization, suburbinization, and white flight, the once booming steel town of Braddock, PA exists as a shell of it's former self. There are really cool things happening as the town re-builds, but lasting change takes time. I think the library is a great example of resilience in the face of adversity. 

I spent my service project cleaning windows. Now these were not just ordinary windows. They were six feet tall windows situated four feet off the ground. My tall height does not preclude me from a fear of heights. Yet I spent the day balancing on a rickety ladder attacking grimy windows with ammonia. That's what I love about serving with Keys. Everyday I'm thrust into uncomfortable situations that show me what I'm made of. I'm making a difference not just in the lives of the youth that I serve, but also in my own. 

 

January is the Cruelest Month

English Literature + History = What Career Exactly?!

January is the Cruelest Month

No offense T.S. Elliot, but January, not April is the Cruelest Month. It's cruel in spite of the freezing temperatures, short days, and New Year's Resolutions. It's cruel because for most young adults, January is Discernment month. 

Discernment comes from the Latin roots "dis" meaning apart, and "cernere" meaning "to sift." Taken together, discernment means to "sift apart." From a Christian perspective discernment means to make an important life decision after much prayer and counsel. 

Young adults (youth aged 18ish-24ish) make many important life decisions every year. Every year, they must renegotiate which career, relationships, and living situations to pursue. A lot of these decisions come from trial and error, especially during a person's late teen years. As a person matures, making the "right decisions" becomes more and more important, as these decisions start to shape who the individual will be long term.

I personally find the process of discernment very stressful. I keep having this recurring dream that I am walking up to a buffet filled with all of my favorite food, but the buffet only carries dessert plates. I wake up still trying to figure out if I should have gone for the sweet potatoes, or the mashed ones. Discernment would be easy if we were deciding between two equal options, one clearly "good" and one clearly "bad." But the real world rarely works in neat dualism. Oftentimes you are trying to choose the best good from two great options. 

Since this is my seventh time on the Discernment merry-go-round, I thought I'd offer some tips on how to go about the discernment process in a slightly less stressful manner. Hope it helps!

Discernment Tips, Tricks, and Encouragements

1. Pray. Pray often. Ask other people to pray for you. How will you know what the Lord wants you to do next year if you don't ask him? 

 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  

Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11 

2. Seek counsel. I recommend picking three same-sexed mentors who are at least five years older than you. Women or men who you respect, and who you know will speak truth into your life. Discuss your questions, fears, and anxieties with them. Listen to their feedback. Let all of the other advice you receive (and trust me you will receive A LOT) go in one ear, and out the other. 

3. Vent responsibly. There's no reason to freak people out unnecessarily over decisions you haven't completely made.  In fact, it's selfish of you to do so. For example if you are discerning whether to transfer to a different university, there's no need to share this with your friends at your current university until you have made a decision. Talk to an adviser  your parents, or a friend not involved in the situation. Discern up, never sideways. 

4. Set (realistic) deadlines. You do not want the discernment process to drag out forever. I'd say 2-3 months is plenty of time to discern major life decisions. Be patient with yourself, but also refuse to wallow in a black hole of possibilities. 

5.  When people ask you what you're doing next year, it is perfectly alright to say "I am discerning my plans for next year. I will tell you when I've made some decisions, but until then I'd appreciate you not asking me about my future plans." Now, obviously this line will not work with parents, supervisors, and best friends. But I've found it incredibly useful for that relative you only see once a year, or that co-worker who you wouldn't talk to unless you worked together. 

I'd like to leave you with a pearl of wisdom I received last year as I was discerning if I should move back to Pittsburgh and work for UCO. I hope it encourages you as you embark on your discernment process!

"When you're discerning between two equally good options, sometimes you need to just make a decision. After you've made your decision, act like you've made it. Feelings follow actions." 

ONE_Conference

© Cindy Lykins 2013

Kairos Staff Conference 2013

ONE_ Conference

Remember when you were a kid and Mom or Dad called the family together for a family meeting? As a kid you thought that one of two things was happening: 1. Someone passed away or 2. The family was going on a trip to Disney World. As you grew up you learned that family meetings occurred when Mom or Dad had something important that they wanted to discuss as a family. Mostly the meetings were pretty straightforward, but every once in a while you had a meeting that changed the direction of your family life. The Kairos Staff Conference 2013, held in Lansing, MI from January 4-6, 2013 was one of those direction changing family meetings.

Kairos is the branch of the Sword of the Spirit (SOS) that supports SOS youth and university outreach, mainly high school youth groups, Saint Paul’s Outreach (SPO), and University Christian Outreach (UCO). Kairos works specifically with youth as youth must decide if they want to follow Christ, and to what extent. This conference pulled together 160 Kairos staff workers from nine UCO chapters, seven SPO chapters, numerous high school youth groups, and a brotherhood.

This conference’s theme was oneness. We spent time exploring our common culture, call, and mission. We heard talks on Our Common Nucleus, The Post-modern iWorld, A Return to Reason, The Need for a Comprehensive Solution, and Responding to a Call from God. In the men's and women's sessions we looked at growing in Christian manhood, and womanhood respectively.

The highlight of the retreat for me was our Saturday night prayer meeting. After celebrating the Lord's Day together we turned to the Lord to see what he had for us. The Lord spoke clearly to us in three prophetic words:

1. Be Not afraid
2. Give Generously
3. Take More Ground

The word to give generously really struck me. As a staff worker I can sometimes roll my eyes when encouraged to give more. Haven’t I already sacrificed my career, living situation, and personal life for the mission? Then I realized that my sacrifice does and always will pale in comparison to Jesus Christ’s atoning sacrifice on the cross. The prophecy reminded me of the words from John 12:25, “the man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in the world will keep it for eternal life”

I’m grateful for the opportunity to attend such a powerful family meeting. It was great to catch up with family members who live all over North America, and meet some new ones. I returned to Pittsburgh with a new heart, and vision for the work. It’s a privilege to be part of such a supportive, interesting family.

2012 Recap

When I look back on 2012, I remember it as the year I became an adult. I thought I'd justify my claim by a series of top ten lists. 

Enjoy! And Happy New Year :)  

10 Greatest Adventures of 2012

1. Serving at the Kairos Women's Mission Director Conference.

2. Leading a small group for UCO Ann Arbor's Life in the Spirit Seminar. 

3. Tutoring English to Asian Students @ U of M. 

4. Learning how to communicate well with male co-workers. 

5. Leaving Ann Arbor, moving to Pittsburgh

6. Working as a mission leader for UCO Pittsburgh

7. Serving with AmeriCorps at the Carnegie Library of Homestead. 

8. Living in the women's house in Pittsburgh.

9. Living/working/maintaining my friendship with my best friend.

10. Exploring community life in the People of God Community. 

10 Best Books (I read) in 2012

1. Dreams from my Father by Barack Obama

2. Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metazas

3. Man and Woman in Christ by Steven B. Clark 

4. A Town Without Steel: Envisioning Homestead by Judith Modell

5. The Juvenilzation of American Christianity by Thomas Bergler

6. The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X

7. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

8. On the Road by Jack Keroac 

9. A Good Man is Hard to Find and Other Stories by Flannery O'Conner 

10. Writing About Your Life by WIliam Zinsser 

Top 10 Scripture Verses of 2012

1. " I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. The one who plants and the one who waters have a common purpose, and each will receive wages according to the labor of each. But we are God's servants, working together - you are God's field, God's building" - I Corinthians 3: 6-9 

2. "For if you keep quiet at such a time as this, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and your father's family will perish. Who knows? Perhaps you wave come to royal dignity for just such a time as this?" -Esther 4: 13-14

3. "Do not be afraid, stand firm, and see the deliverance that the Lord will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you see today you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still" Exodus 14: 13-14

4. "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." -Colossians 3: 1-2

5. "You are the one who shall command the priests who bears the ark of the covenant. 'When you come to the edge of the waters of the Jordan, you shall stand still in the Jordan.' " - Joshua 3:8 

6. " For it is a credit to you if, being aware of God, you endure pain while suffering unjustly. If you endure when you are beaten for doing wrong, what credit is that? But if you endure when you do right and suffer for it, you have God's approval, For to this you have been called because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you should follow in his steps" -`1 Peter 2: 19-22

7. "And do not keep striving for what you are to eat and what you are to drink, and do not keep worrying. FOr it is the nations of the world that strive after all these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, strive for his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well" -Luke 12: 29-31. 

8. "It is by holding fast to the Word of Life that I can boast on the day of Christ that I did not run in vain nor labor in vain. But even if I am being poured out as a libation over the sacrifice, and the offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you" - Philippians 2: 16-17 

9. 'Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here I am, send me' " - Isaiah 6:8 

10. "For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord" Jeremiah 29: 8

2012 in 10 Songs

1. "Independence Day" by Bruce Springsteen

2. "Lover's Eyes" by Mumford and Sons

3. "Backstreets" by The Gaslight Anthem

4. "Try" by Pink

5. "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys

6. "Shackled and Drawn" by Bruce Springsteen

7. "Better Dig Two" by The Band Perry

8. "On My Own" by Samantha Barks

9. "Highway Patrolman" by Bruce Springsteen

10. "Gimme Gimme A Man After Midnight" by ABBA

Stuck in the Gap

Two months is a long time to go without a blog post. I apologize. Life's been a little busy/crazy/beautiful lately. Here's an update.

Last year when I was on my Gap year, one of my colleges coined the phrase "stuck in the Gap" to describe people who continue to serve after their gap years end. At the time, I thought people who stayed stuck in the gap were a bit, well, crazy. Little did I know that less than a year later I would not only be working for UCO, but I would be serving with AmeriCorps.

Two months ago, I began my term of service with the Keys Service Corps, a division of AmeriCorps. Keys members serve at various underprivileged sites throughout the country and provide mentoring and tutoring to youth at their sites. Here in Pittsburgh, members serve in Downtown, the Hill District, Braddock, Pitcairn, McKees Rocks, East Liberty, the North Side, McKeesport, the South Side, and Homestead. I'm serving at the Carnegie Library of Homestead (CloH) with their after-school program. 

CLoH. Pretty Cool, Right?

The history of CLoH is really interesting. The building that houses the library also houses an athletic center (with one of the regions first heated pools) and a music hall. It was built  in 1898 for $300,000. Which in today's money equals $7-$8 million. Andrew Carnegie, Pittsburgh's steel tycoon, provided the library with it's endowment. Carnegie's legacy has a contentious relationship with the city of Homestead because of the Homestead Steel Strike of 1892 and the closing of Homestead Works in 1986.

So you might be wondering why AmeriCorps sent a member to such a beautiful building to serve? Glad you asked. The city of Homestead suffered tremendously with the closing of the Homestead Steel Works in 1986. See up until the late 1980s, steel wasn't just the main industry in Homestead, it was the only industry in Homestead. All of the stores along 8th avenue, all of the 42 churches, and all of the beer gardens revolved around the mill. Boys lacked motivation to apply themselves to their studies because they had a guaranteed good job waiting for them on their 18th birthday. Girls lacked motivation too because they thought they would grow up to marry a steelworker, and keep house just like their mothers did. When the mill closed it's doors, the entire town fell apart. 

25 years after the mill shut down, the community is still struggling to re-build itself. That's where CLoH comes in. CLoH helps to address two of Homestead's major challenges: childhood illiteracy and childcare. In Homestead there is no safe, free place for children to hang out in after school other than the library. On any given afternoon, we get anywhere from 20-60 kids. My "job" is to serve the kids by helping them find something educational to do while they're at the library. I do that through book discussion groups, game nights, craft nights, and playing board games. Sometimes we do service projects like make books for the library's Steel Valley Christmas Parade Float.

Look what my kids made!

The hardest part about my service is managing behavior, aka disciplining the kids. The library has rules that the kids must follow in order to use the library, and it is my job to enforce them. I really hate making kids leave when they misbehave, but they have to learn that the decisions they make have consequences. The kids will try every trick in the book to get more time on the computer, or time in the library, so I have to be both firm and patient. 

You might be wondering who in their right mind agrees to serve part-time with University Christian Outreach and part-time with AmeriCorps? I ask myself that question several times a day. Especially on the days when one of my "big" kids forgets that we were supposed to meet that day, and one of my "little" kids threatens to cut my hair with a pair of safety scissors. But even on those days I love what I do. I love the opportunity to pour myself out everyday in serving others. Every single day I'm forced to my knees completely dependent upon the Lord. Everyday I have the privilege of living out one of my favorite Scripture passages from Luke:

"If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it. What does it profit them is they gain the whole world, but lose or forfeit themselves?"

-Luke 9:23-25